I’m tired of writing about my sorrow. Today, I share some of my journey through life with you. I’ve been incredibly blessed by God. He has sustained me through everything – blessings and struggles. I’m so thankful for all He has given me and walked through with me.
I didn’t have a perfect childhood, because I was raised by imperfect people. It took me years to realize that. Part of the realization comes from realizing my own children didn’t have a perfect childhood, because they were raised by imperfect people. But, I feel blessed to have had the parents I had and still have. They are uniquely wonderful people. They did their best at raising me and my four siblings.
I was born for more, though! As a child, I thought “there has to be more”. This can’t be all there is – eat, sleep, do chores, play, go to school. But, as a parent, I thought, “this is all I’ve ever wanted! – Children in my home eating, sleeping, doing chores, playing and doing school!” Isn’t life interesting? I saw in my children the same thing I felt as a child – “There has to be more to life than this! When do I get to start living life for real?” As they were itching for more, though, I was doing my best to enjoy every moment with them, because I knew it would be over before I wanted it to be. Childhood is fleeting, for the parent.
I married my “knight in shining armor” at the age of 19. We were friends before we were romantically involved. To this day, he is my best friend and I fully expect that he always will be. We have journeyed through so many things together. We’ve bought, remodeled and sold houses together. We’ve built a house from the ground up together. We’ve worked and played, worshipped and studied and prayed, laughed and cried, fought and made-up, wrestled and danced, destroyed and re-built, counseled and received counsel, and on and on I could go. If you’ve been married for long, you know what I am talking about. But, the most important, most rewarding, most satisfying, most important……did I say “most important?”, most joyful and, yes sometimes most sorrowful, thing we’ve ever done is parent five beautiful, amazing people. Of all the things I consider God’s blessings in my life, these beautiful people are my greatest blessing, second (and third) only to my salvation through the blood of Jesus, and the aforementioned “knight”.
I didn’t enter the parenting world accidently or incidentally. I entered it intentionally, with forethought and longing. God brought that longing about by delaying my ability to get pregnant for a few years. That was a difficult time for me, but when I held my first child in my arms, Kimberly Kathleen, I knew it was worth it. I knew God knew what He was doing in making me wait. He again had me wait, though not as long, to get pregnant with our second child, Joseph Daniel. And, again it makes the blessing that much sweeter to have to wait and pray and long for it.
I think we were in the “habit” of waiting to get pregnant after our second child, because with our third child, Israel Thomas, waiting was not an issue! We became pregnant with him when our oldest son, Joe, was 9 months old. It was one of those, “OH!” moments! But, what a blessing! When Izzy was 2 years and 8 months old, Timothy Joel joined the family. And, when Tim was 2 years and 10 months old, Elizabeth GraceAnne completed the family.
When I was growing up I wanted to be a teacher, a writer and a mother. How amazing it is to me that God has given me “the desires of my heart” so abundantly and in such a different way than I ever imagined. I didn’t go to college to become a teacher first. I married and became a mother. I then felt the call of God to homeschool my kids, and thus began my journey as teacher. Now, for an unexpected and unwanted reason, I’m writing. Life is indeed interesting.
I am blessed. Even in the midst of this intense sorrow I can see that I am blessed. And, I am thankful.