I awoke this morning to a weather alert on my cell phone, telling me that there was a dense fog advisory. This news excited me, as almost all weather does, so I peeked through our blinds to see this meteorological marvel, only to find a very thin fog covering the acreage around us. It was still pretty, though. I love anything about nature and all the amazing spectacles it can produce.
After my usual morning rituals, I seated myself in front of my computer, hot coffee in hand, and read through my emails, responding appropriately, then began to scroll through my Facebook news feed, and happened upon my memories from the past many years. I was rather astounded with what I had shared on this day over the past 9 or 10 years, and I pondered the course these different, though eerily similar quotes and memes took my thoughts today.
That is what I have surmised is the recent trend of my life.
Fog, caused by our tremendous loss, that has left me in a state I refer to as “grief brain”. It’s a real thing. And I can’t will or wish it away. I walk around in a fog, peering ineffectively through it, looking for some semblance of the life I used to know.
I think, besides the broken hearts I and my family have all lived with for the past almost 4 years, the most affected area of my life has been my faith. When my middle son died unexpectedly, my faith was dealt a blow I’ve wondered many times if I would ever recover from. I have to continually remind myself that God is God, and not me; He is in control, and not me. He is able to do what needs to be done in my life, even when I am not; even when I am in a dense fog.
This is one of the memes that popped up on my memories page this morning:
And following are a few of the quotes I have posted over the past several years on this particular day. Each one spoke directly to my heart today, reminding me of God’s goodness, love, patience and sovereignty. I hope they speak to you, as well.
“Can I see Jesus in my present circumstances? Is it an obscure farther shore, with wild waves between? can I see Him walking on the waves? Is it a fiery furnace? can I see Him walking in the midst of the fire? Is it a placid, commonplace day? can I see Him there? If so, that is the perpetual mystery of the guidance of God, that is Eternal Life.” –Oswald Chambers, in God’s Workmanship from Quotable Oswald Chambers
“Do we criticize a great composer whose symphony doesn’t end in ten minutes or half an hour? Do we complain when he moves from a major key to a minor key and back to a major? No, we celebrate his artistry. When we hear the dark and melancholic sections, we don’t conclude he’s made a mistake. Once we reach the ending, we recognize the symphony as a far greater work than one that consists of only bright melodies.
A concert may last three hours. God’s concert has lasted thousands of years. What if the melody and harmony, major and minor keys all prove in the end to have contributed to the whole?
‘I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future’ (Jeremiah 29:11). God gave this promise to the Israelites when they lived in a minor key, during a period of melancholic dissonance.
When we view life through the eyes of faith, we can say, ‘Things appear one way, but my God is sovereign, loving, merciful, and kind. Through his grace and empowerment, I will cling to him. I will come out on the other side of this evil and suffering a deeper and more Christlike person, marked forever by Jesus’ grace. And someday I will see that every minute was worth it.'”
~Randy Alcorn, If God Is Good
“Faith is like radar that sees through the fog, the reality of things at a distance that the human eye cannot see.”
-Corrie ten Boom
“The heart that surrenders its sorrows to God, surrenders its wounds to healing.” —I Will Be Found by You, by Francis Frangipane
And the last one I saw this morning: