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Starting to Live Again

I had an impromptu lunch with a cherished friend a few days ago, and after we had our lunch she followed me back to our house to see all the new projects my husband has completed since the last time she’d been over.My honey is a fantastic carpenter, something I absolutely love about him, and we have remodeled and/or built several houses in our almost 38 years of marriage.  But we have finished remodeling the house we intend to live in for the rest of our natural lives, so he has gotten a little bored!  Hence, the amazing projects he has put his hand to, and completed lately, that greatly enhance our enjoyment of life as fairly new empty-nesters.After my girlfriend and I had looked at the fish pond and the river he installed a few weeks ago, we strolled back to the patio he put in for us last autumn, where he built a towering pergola this past weekend to provide shade over the dining table on the patio.  It is a beautifully grand structure that I love, even though I thought it would obstruct our view, and didn’t really want him to build it when he first told me about it.  He built it tall enough, though, that we can clearly see out our bay window it sits in front of.Here’s a picture of the river going down to the fish pond.  It has a fountain at the top that gurgles loud enough I can hear it when I have my office window open, directly above it.003And the newly installed fish pond, which currently has 4 incredibly cute little gold-fish in it!  It was getting dark outside when I took these pictures, which is why the water looks black.  It’s not.020022Here is the pergola he built to give the patio a little bit of shade.004012And someone can’t stand it that I would be outside on the patio taking pictures without taking her picture, too.  This is little Miss Penny.018After we admired all the amazing handiwork my husband has been busy with, we walked out to my vegetable garden my husband helped me get started this year, and looked at the plants I have growing – green beans, peas, asparagus, potatoes, corn and pumpkins.007As we turned to walk back to the house my friend quietly said to me, “You’re starting to live again, Leanne.”  Oh my.Yes.We are beginning to live again.  As soon as she said it, she asked if it was okay that she had said that, knowing me and my dislike of the word “healing”.  But I told her that yes, it was okay and I could see what she was saying, and probably for the first time since our son was killed, I was happy that healing is taking place and we are beginning to live again.Then she added, “No expectations.”Ha!  She knows me well.Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.  Do not cast me away from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.  Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.”  Psalm 51:10-12.“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.  To Him be the power for ever and ever.  Amen.”  1 Peter 5:10-11

4 comments on “Starting to Live Again

  1. ssgrovesgang says:

    In case you need to hear it… it’s okay to enjoy things again. This new normal can be bittersweet. Enjoying this part of your journey without him, doesn’t dishonor him in the least. I know you probably know this but felt I should say it anyway. I hope my saying this doesn’t offend you in any way, if it does please forgive me. Life is meant to be cherished. People are meant to be cherished. You are cherished beyond measure. You are strong beyond belief. I honor you. May His grace be multiplied to you both. Thank you for sharing this 💕

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    1. Thank you for sharing that, Sally. I do need to hear it…..to be reminded of it. No need to apologize, as there is absolutely no offense. This brought a tear to my eye. This is such a rough road to travel and I’m not sure I will ever be truly happy again, but it is sometimes helpful to reminded that I can continue to live and even be happy at times, even without a part of my heart. Thank you.

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  2. ssgrovesgang says:

    I was just telling someone today that the bonds we make with others continue even after death until we break them. Unhealthy attachments need to be broken but the good ones, the ones that are precious to us, I believe they are carried out through eternity. I believe that is part of that “cloud of witnesses” spoken of in scripture. Your great love for your son echoes in the Halls of eternity. I believe he sees your journey here and is greatly blessed by your capturing moments of joy. I’m sure it gives him delight! I know God is concerned about every detail of our life. We are made in His image. I believe in heaven we are fully released to be who we are and, like Him, we will be invested in those we were connected to in our earthly journey. I know honoring those bonds and continuing to learn and grow and heal those relationships (regardless of whether the other person is still living or not) does something in us and, I believe, it does something in them as well. You love well. Living your life as fully and completely as you’re able to right now, both full of joy and pain, honors him and God.
    Love you friend. Praying for you as God brings you to mind. I’m honored to know you. I’m honored to walk with you through some of this part of your journey. You are important. You are making an impact. What you do matters more than you realize! Embrace the moments, and as Noel always says, “Enjoy the journey!” 💕

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Sally. Your words bless me.

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