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To Accept? Or Not to Accept?

That is the question.

“Because the only acceptable answer is for him to come back.”

How does one accept the loss of a beloved son?  It is wholly unacceptable to have one’s healthy, vibrant, young-adult son die in a horrific car accident.

How do I learn to accept this?

Maybe I don’t.

Maybe all the so-called “professionals” don’t know what they are talking about when they quote me the 5 stages of grief and tell me I will someday come to the final one, which is acceptance.

Do I have to come to accept this?

Why do people who have never experienced child loss, but have learned about the “stages of grief” from a book, think they can tell me what to expect along the road of grieving this horrendous loss?

Obviously, today I am frustrated with this grief; with this loss; with the pain my husband and I are constantly in; with the lack of answers for any of it.

The quote above was my husband speaking to me this morning before he left for work; tears streaming down his face, I could hear the lump in his throat that made speaking those words difficult and painful.

That is how this feels.

The only acceptable answer is that we want our son back.

the story was not finished

We don’t want to live our entire lives here on earth with one of our children always missing – missing from our lives; missing from our dinner table; missing holidays and birthdays; missing at weddings and graduations; always missing.

It is unacceptable to us.  To any parent, I’m sure.

“What could be my positive ending to this blog today?” I ask myself.

I can’t think of one.

Well, maybe one.

“Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his godly ones.”  Psalm 116:15

Maybe the answer is to learn to see things the way God sees them, not necessarily the way “professionals” tell us to see them.

Of course, I know that is the only answer.  I just can’t seem to remember it until I write it down and see it in print and am reminded of who I am – a child of God.

That is the only acceptable answer.

I am a child of God, and my son is a child of God, so I know where he is and I can accept that. 

That knowledge, though, doesn’t take away the pain.

I guess today I am acknowledging (again) our loss, the constant pain, the frustration with confusing words swirling around in my head because of people who don’t actually know what they are talking about talking to me, the love of God, and the fact that God has us in the palm of His hand.

“My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments; for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you.  Do not let kindness and truth leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart, so you will find favor and good repute in the sight of God and man.  Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”           Proverbs 3:1-6

 

2 comments on “To Accept? Or Not to Accept?

  1. Susan says:

    I had mentioned to my therapist about a friend of mine who…
    She had a grieved look on her face when she said, it’s to soon to even imagine the pain to be …(whatever expectations apply)
    I’m so sorry you hurting
    Christmas Eve someone mentioned that cliche ( his word) weeping endures for the night but joy comes in the morning. I so hate that verse. It mocks me and who I believed God to be. But then he mentioned that no one ever says how long the night lasts. That gave me pause. And acceptance that. God will not be mocked.
    As cheesy as it sounds, Belle’s song pops in here, but she won’t find out it’s him till chapter threeee.
    Leanne, I grieve that your heart is grieving. I love you, and I am so proud of you in how you keep centering yourself in God. That is exhausting work. And yet you persevere to stay centered.
    Loving you, me

    Like

    1. Thank you, Susan. Your encouraging words are just precious to me. I appreciate them so much.

      Like

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