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And Just Like That……

I’m ok.

I had a good day today.  I’m not overwhelmed with sadness, or tensed up with anger.  I’m just ok; well, in fact.  I thought I should say this!  I share with you all the feelings I have that are so hard to deal with because it somehow helps me to share them.  It makes me feel like someone else is shouldering this heavy burden with me to write them out on here, my blog.  But I forget to also share the good feelings and the happy days I have.

I ran across a friend I hadn’t seen in a few years today while grocery shopping.  It was so good to see her and spend a few minutes catching up.  But it was also enlightening to me to learn of the effect my blog postings have on readers.  She was slightly hesitant to express any disappointment, frustration or sorrow she may be experiencing, because of my posts about people saying insensitive things to me.  It is never my intent to alienate anyone!  I love and appreciate my family and friends so much.  And, for the most part, everyone is so supportive and helpful.  There are a very small handful of people who insist on “fixing” me, and sometimes I come to the end of my rope with it and need to express my frustration with it.

I do not need to be fixed.  Grief is a very natural response to loving and losing someone.  The depth of grief I’m experiencing is indicative of the love I have for my son who is now in heaven.  It is not something I need to “get over” or “move on from” or “just say or do” such and such and I will be all better.  It just doesn’t work that way.  If you have not said something like that to me, my griping posts are not aimed at you!  Please believe that.  Almost everyone I know is wonderfully loving, supportive, encouraging, helpful, and so much more.  I wouldn’t be doing as well as I am if I didn’t have you, my precious friends and family.  Also, I’m learning to let some things go, but I’m still not always successful at it.  This grief is like an open wound and some things that are said are like salt in the wound.  It hurts.  But, like I said, I’m working at letting those insensitive remarks go.

So, today was a good day.  In fact, it was a pleasant day.  I had lunch with my wonderful hubby, who was having a hard morning, and was able to encourage him, which blessed me and encouraged me as well.  I love how oftentimes when I am down, Dan is up, and vice versa is true.  It is a blessing from God.

You all are a blessing to me.  Thank you for walking this painful road with me and allowing me to pour my heart out to you, knowing you will shoulder the burden of pain with me.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; If one falls down, his friend can help him up.  But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!  Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.  But how can one keep warm alone?  Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.  A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”  Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

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