Today my middle son would have been 35 years old. I cannot comprehend that we are coming up on 10 years since he left us for his eternal home.
I remember Dan, in response to a book I was reading a few weeks after our son died about how long grief lasts, saying that he didn’t want to lose 5 years of his life. It seems, in a way, that we have lost almost 10 years of our lives. We have done our very best to keep on living and experiencing our lives and the precious lives of our other children and our grandchildren. But when it comes to the one we lost at 25-years-of-age a little over 9 years ago, our lives came to a complete halt.
Some might say that this indicates a lack of healing. But I have come to learn that it is indicative of a lack of presence. His presence. I haven’t experienced it….I haven’t experienced him…… since that fateful morning in 2014.
The missing is intense. The hole left in our family by our son and brother running ahead to heaven is difficult to handle here on earth.
But we have hope.
Every morning for this past week I’ve woke up singing a Chris Tomlin song I didn’t know of until a couple of weeks ago. The only line of the song I can remember and am singing as I awaken is also the title of the song ….. Oh, the precious love of Jesus. As I was sharing this with Dan (hubby) this afternoon, I heard myself say, “This is the answer to it all.”
The precious love of Jesus.
It is with me when I’m missing my son.
It stays with me when I am angry over this seemingly senseless loss.
It was with our son when he left his earthly body and ascended to his eternal home.
I have full assurance it is with my husband and children when I am heartbroken knowing they are suffering the same sorrow over the lack of presence of their son and brother, as well.
“Oh, the precious love of Jesus.
Oh, the fount of grace divine.
Flowing as a mighty river washing sinners in its tide.
There will never be another in whose name we are redeemed.
Oh, the precious love of Jesus,
pouring out for you and me.”
Happy birthday, son. We all miss you so much. We gathered at the cemetery, as we do every year and wished you a happy birthday. This year, we took a picture….and we are smiling! We love you and are so proud of you. And we are extremely thankful for the promise of an eternity together because of the precious love of Jesus.
God gave us a rainbow this evening. Such a kiss from heaven.
My Journey Through 
L,
Your writing from the heart continues to touch me and move my heart in such amazing ways, as I am sure it does others! Still ought to write that book we’ve talked about for a long time (smile). Oh, the precious love of Jesus! (indeed). Maybe that could be your title??? Love ya!
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Thank you, my friend. You are always so encouraging. Love you, too!
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Thank you for this. My precious son died 42 years ago . He was six, our first. He would turn 50 on June 1st. We learn to live with the hole in our lives but the absence is always a space left unfilled. My precious Jesus held me together and has NEVER failed me. The song you shared says it all.
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Our first born son, Nathan, died suddenly, tragically, 42 years ago on March 2nd. This June 1st he would celebrate his 50th birthday. It’s been over half our lives that he has been gone from our presence. Though my husband and I have built a life, blessed with two more beautiful children, the absence of Nathan is a constant pain. One NEVER gets over it! One learns how to live with it! Jesus has been faithful always, He held us together and continues to. We have been blessed with so many blessings yet the never ending presence of Jesus is the main one. Sharing your story and the presence of Jesus in your lives is a balm to my heart. Thank you for your words and sharing the song.
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I’m so sorry for the loss of your son, Nathan. Thank you for sharing a bit of your story and your encouraging words. I really appreciate it.
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